Improv Nonsense

Typed from memory and therefore slightly wrong:

• My wife is so immature. Well, you tell me if this sounds immature to you. When I was taking a bath, she would just burst in without any warning and sink my boats.
• This is my pocketwatch. It means a great deal to me because it’s been in the family for ages. On his deathbed, my grandfather sold me this watch.
• I recently encountered a very effective case of oral contraception I want to tell you about. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, and she said no.
• I was thrown out of NYU for cheating on my metaphysics final. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
• It’s fun to play sports with neurotics. When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

No reason. I just like these.